Hosting a Party at a Ball: How to Bring Your Friends and Get It Right
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Sometimes if you want to go to a party, you need to bring a party. Never has this been more true than for going to balls. If there's a ball you really want to you go to and it requires bringing a set or minimum number of guests, you might just have to do the organising yourself.
There is a particular pleasure in arriving at a ball with your own party. A table of people you chose, who you'll dance, sit and drink with. It is one of the best ways to enjoy a ball, in the company of friends old and new.
Hosting a party of guests at a ball is also a lot of pressure: you want to have fun. You want your friends to have fun. You don't want things to become stressful trying to sort everything out.
Hosting a party is easy to get slightly wrong if you've never done it before.
To be clear about what we mean: you are not running the ball. The committee has done that. You are bringing a group, taking a table or a block of tickets, and looking after the people you've invited for the evening. Sometimes the organisers ask you to. Sometimes you simply want to create spectacular memories with your friends. Either way, the role of host carries a few responsibilities, and they are worth knowing before you commit.
Here is how to do it well.
Start with the numbers
Most balls sell tickets by the table, often but not always a table is usually eight or ten. Before you invite a soul, find out how many guests you can bring. It is not fun for you or your friends to have gotten them all excited about some ball you find you can't invite them to because you don't have enough space.
A good party mixes friend groups. If you can, be known as someone who reliably always has great 'new people'. If your friendship group really do all know each other, consider asking one of them (that you trust!) to invite someone(s) to add some variety.
Just remember, some types of ball (such as reeling balls) have set dances that follow a pattern. These balls are generally not the type to learn at. Nobody wants to buy a ball ticket to stand on toes or be stood on.
Invite early, and invite clearly
Ball season fills up. The good ones sell out, and the people you most want are the people most likely to be booked. Ask early.
When you ask, be clear about four things:
- The date
- The venue
- The cost per head
- The dress code
One really important tip to save your friends feelings - do not make a WhatsApp-type group to share details before a full table of guests has committed. There's few things more disheartening than joining a group and realising you're the second choice filling in for a drop out.
If your friend is replacing a drop out close to the date of the ball, it's usually less awkward all round to say so. Even your close friends should not expect an invite every year to the same ball.
When you said be my guest...
Money is the one people are shy about, and shyness causes confusion. Say the number plainly when you invite, so nobody is surprised later. A short message that says "it's the such-and-such ball on this date, white tie, and it'll be roughly this much a head including the ticket and the table wine" saves a great deal of awkwardness.
Decide how the bill works before inviting anyone. Either everyone pays their own share of the ticket and table costs, or you host 'properly' and cover it. There is no wrong answer. There is only the wrong moment to mention it, which is the next day when you start sending unexpected invoices to your friends.
Hosting etiquette
There are a number of social minefields here and we do not pretend to be Debretts. What we share, we've learned from that great teacher, experience.
If one of your party drops out last minute, they do not have an automatic right to a refund. Nor can they just replace themselves with whomever they can find. This is your party that you put the effort into. You should of course try to find a replacement so your numbers are balanced and your friend is not out of pocket. However, don't feel bad about standing firm on this one.
Equally, accept drop outs with good grace, or as much as you can muster. We know you've put hours of planning into the night and you want everyone, including yourself, to have a great time. But nobody is going to die (touch wood) because one of your party flaked last minute. Try to have a little perspective. And then consider whether they're getting any invites in the future...
Don't expect gifts from your guests either. They're always appreciated - and we know one very good option - but remember they may have just spent quite a lot of money to attend. Their presence not presents and all that. You get what we mean, don't keep count here.
I don't eat food
Whether you've arranged a dinner beforehand or the ball provides it, make sure to ask what your guests dietary restrictions are. Yes, there are fashionable glutens these days, but there are also people with Coeliac Disease and anyway, the aim is to make sure everyone has fun.
Spare a tiny thought for budget too. It's always nicer to divide the bill equally at table or pay and sort it out the next day. Just keep an eye on that one friend who orders three magnums of champagne without checking the vibe. Unless that is the vibe!
Look after the table on the night
Your job as host is mostly done before you arrive, but a few small things on the night make the difference between a table that gels and one that doesn't.
Make introductions early, so nobody is dancing with a stranger they were never introduced to. Keep a loose eye on who hasn't danced.
You do not need to manage every moment. A ball runs itself once it's going. But a host who makes the introductions and watches the edges is not only a good host, but a good person and a good friend.
The morning after
A small thing, often forgotten: thank your guests, and thank the committee. A line the next day costs nothing and is noticed. A great many well-dressed cats needed to be herded to put the evening on. An unsolicited Thank You is the best kind.
Why is it always me?
In all groups of friends there are natural organisers. Good friends will appreciate and reciprocate the effort you put in but don't expect to get your thanks in the same way. Don't keep invite score.
Some friends are just not gifted in the organising line. What's worse, some friends aren't gifted at organising but invite you anyway. Imagine committing to attending a party, booking a hotel, getting an outfit together, just to worry whether it will go ahead because they're behind on things. You might point those friends (tactfully) at the next section.
Want this worked out for your party?
Every ball is a little different, and every party is too. The size of your table, the dress code, the bill, the timeline for inviting people, all of it shifts depending on which ball and how many you're bringing.
We've built a tool that does the working-out for you. Answer a few questions about your ball and your party, and it produces a personalised checklist as a PDF: who to ask and when, what to tell them, how to handle the money, and what to do on the night, tailored to your evening rather than a general list.